Am I Having An Affair, Or In A True, Open Relationship? | Chatelaine
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He got me, completely. A beard, a love of words, encouragement, understanding and a nice smell. Twenty-five years later I found it, right around the same time I found non-monogamy. There was just one problem: He was married, and not openly. But I went for it anyway. Well, most of us have. You carefully walk into it, instead of rushing. Does that suck the beauty out? Does it make the sex less fun, less fiery?
Not in my experience, because rather than limiting you, an ethical scaffolding can give your love life structure, nuance in which to play loudly, vibrantly. It allows you to grow tall upon it, to create a beautiful, Frank Lloyd Wright-esque romantic existence for yourself that looks however you want, can contain whatever rooms you want it to, in whatever numbers.
But this beautiful structure still needs to be built to code: A set of rules that allows you to move from floor to floor as you please, but ensures no one gets hurt. I wrote — am still writing — this code for my non-monogamous life.
And then I did the complete opposite. I used to imagine the married man and I could make it work.
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I projected a future on us even though I knew he was not available to me, that our affair — which is what it was in the end, just an affair — was breaking the foundation of my newly-built non-monogamy. His marriage is not open and never will be. His wife does not know, and likely will never.
This is wholly, fundamentally not what ethical sluttery is about. I think monogamy is a lie, for me.
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But ethicism demands that I allow everyone else to define that for themselves.