Guys Talk About Their Vasectomies - AskMen
I don't think it matters to me, or it should, whether a guy can have kids or not. Why think of the future already? First of all, as you mentioned, if we are just dating. In some areas you can have a vasectomy with having no children at all. So if you began dating a man, and fell for him, then found out he had. When you're dating a guy with kids and a vasectomy, nobody sits you down and asks “do you understand what you're getting yourself into?'' So I'm going to lay.
The elephant in the room, of course, was The Vasectomy. He left my house that morning quieter than usual. But he did call again, and we did continue dating, and we did talk about babies. We liked each other. We had fun together. And we were falling in love. I wanted a baby in my thirties, and sooner rather than later. The negotiations we had over the timing of having a baby — that is, if he would get a reverse vasectomy.
He said he would definitely consider having another child he already has two with his ex in a year. We were in love at this point. He came back with nine months. I stopped going to the fertility clinic or even thinking about it.
Rebecca Eckler on her fiancé's reverse vasectomy
Read on to find out how Rebecca and her boyfriend decided to have a baby. I had fallen for this man hard. He had fallen for me even harder. And then something so randomly amazing happened. We went on vacation and he decided to go golfing.
He just so happened to be paired up with a doctor who performed reverse vasectomies and they discussed the operation, how many men were doing this for their second wives including the doctorand how it was done in a much more modern way than in years past. My boyfriend came back from that hole round of golf a changed man. And by changed, I mean he was ready to do it, before his nine-month rule. We were only at six!
I know the odds of getting a hole-in-one are extremely low, but what are the odds that he would be paired up that day with a doctor who performed reverse vasectomies, who also had done it himself, and who convinced him that so many others were doing the same?
I made an appointment for him with Ethan Grober, a Toronto doctor and expert in vasectomy reversal, vasectomies and male infertility. As we sat in his office, I was more nervous than my boyfriend was. I worried about how long it would take to get his sperm working again, and if the operation would be a success a. When we went to book the actual procedure, I was depressed to learn that Grober had a waiting list of more than three months.
That would make me three months older and I just kept thinking: There had been an earlier opening than the one we booked, but my boyfriend had a business trip. I argued that he should get out of it.
Rebecca Eckler on her fiancé's reverse vasectomy - Today's Parent
At the end of the day, sometimes the agonizing decision to not bare children is the ultimate and unfortunate choice. If a vasectomy has reared its ugly head between you and your partner, the relationship is summoned to a few alternatives: If you believe the power of your love is more important than the inability to have a biological child, than the relationship should remain blissfully consummated.
On the other hand—if not—you might find yourself unexpectedly back into the dating world. One of my dearest friends found herself in this unfortunate situation, forcing her to make a decision that would alter her future and leave her extremely heartbroken. At the time, my girlfriend was dating a man who had previously obtained a vasectomy. While in his mid-twenties, he dated a woman who unexpectedly got pregnant. As a result, he made the well-informed and rational decision to get a vasectomy, to prevent conceiving a child again out of wedlock.
When he first started dating my close friend, he seemed fairly open to the idea of having more children; possibly reversing his vasectomy in the future. Seeing how much he loved his son, my friend was able to visualize a family with him—including a child of their own. Almost a year into their relationship, she realized he had changed his mind. He did not want any more biological children.
Point blank…he had no desire to try to reverse his vasectomy. This distraught information left her to decide if loving him would be enough.
Love or Vasectomy?
Knowing that he had no interest in reversing his operation, she was left with a heart-wrenching ultimatum. Or should she end the relationship and find someone who would be willing and able to have children? Let me just re-iterate, choosing love over a vasectomy is not an easy decision—far from it, actually! At the going-rate, you would assume doctors are performing the surgery for free!
So, how do you decide if the love for your partner outweighs your desire to have a child? First, is your biological clock ticking—how hard, how fast, and is it running out? Who would imagine that for a woman in her 30s or 40s—interested in having kids—the five most important words she would utter from her mouth would be: Here are a few questions in a precise order that will be helpful in weeding out the possibility that you partner is interested—and able—to have kids: Have you ever been married?
Bitterness from a failed marriage might alter his feeling on getting married again. Do you have any children? It is important to gage how he feels about having more children. How old are your children? If the children are in their teens he might be understandably done having more kids. If possible, do you want more children? Listen to his direct response.